


because

by affxed (markohmark)



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Trainee Era, idk it's just china line sadness circa 2014, lapslock, shrug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:49:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markohmark/pseuds/affxed
Summary: he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay.





	because

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neoragodestiny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoragodestiny/gifts).



> first posted last year on lj. was originally in response to a prompt on kpop-het's ficathon, but the post was deleted. inspired by "because" by sungkyu.
> 
> this is for ny, who prompted this. i haven't really been active in fandom for two years but i hope this makes up for things
> 
> original a/n: i miss krisber and then i reread [this](http://halcyondusk.livejournal.com/12450.html). um i hope this makes sense it's written weirdly. title and lyrics from [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeCIxSQbxSA).

  
kris texts her one word:  _goodbye_. it's the last time amber will hear from him ever again.  
  
\--  
  
kris calls her one night, tired and anxious as usual; amber starts talking the second she picks up. it's as if she knows that he isn't okay, as if she knows that this is all he's holding on to.  
  
"are you alright?" she asks abruptly, in the middle of a sentence. kris listens to the sound of her breathing for a couple of seconds. finally, he hangs up.  
  
\--  
  
amber's worried about him. kris can tell that much, at least. they've both managed to make it to one of those china-line gatherings, the ones that amber usually avoids because her mandarin is crap.  
  
he knows what amber sees when she looks at him. kris is thin in the face -- haggard, almost -- with purple bags under his eyes. even though amber tries to hide her wide-eyed sympathy under a layer of smiles and jokes, kris knows the truth. he's a wreck, and it scares himself more than anyone else  
  
finally, amber realizes what he wants. she doesn't say a word; instead she sits next to kris in silence, the bones of his body pressing into hers.  
  
\--  
  
"i wrote a song," amber tells him over the phone. it's the only way they communicate with each other most days, and kris can’t even remember the last time he saw her in person.  
  
"you should sing it for me," he replies. kris looks over to the couch that jongdae and lu han are collapsed on, over to where zitao's pouring water for minseok and himself, over to yixing sitting on a stool, strumming his guitar.  
  
he's been thinking about it almost every day now, leaving exo. he keeps trying to hold on, trying desperately to find reasons to stay. listening to amber's voice over the phone, watching over his groupmates, he almost feels content.  
  
(but it isn't enough.)  
  
\--  
  
"debut -- it's more tiring than i thought it would be," kris tells amber in person. "i mean i knew it would be tiring, but. i can't even remember the last time i had more than four hours of sleep." they both laugh -- like it's some funny  _joke_  -- but he takes one look at the uneasiness in her eyes and knows that that’s not the case.  
  
\--  
  
amber stops by the trainee dorms late at night, mask over her face and eyes shining.  
  
"i tried to come as quickly as possible," she says once the door's shut, pulling off her face mask quickly. "you made it!"  
  
"yeah," he agrees, and this shared happiness gives him enough courage to bend down and kiss her cheek softly. amber’s eyes are radiant in the dim light.  
  
\--  
  
"i miss home," amber tells him. henry's playing something on the keyboard and kris is tossing a tennis ball around half-heartedly with amber. it's been so long ( _too long_ ) since the three of them have all been together, like this.  
  
kris shrugs. he doesn't really know what his home is anymore. it definitely isn't in vancouver -- he barely remembers anything except for learning english and his few friends -- and isn't china either. and home definitely isn't the small dorms that the trainees are cramped in. home, he decides, as henry laughs at something amber says, is all around him. it's with yixing and lu han and henry and amber.  
  
\--  
  
amber is the one to help him when kevin says he's going to change his name.  
  
"it makes sense," she says, flipping through a book of baby names. "i mean -- kevin doesn't really suit you, honestly."  
  
"how about chris?" he asks her.  
  
she nods, still flipping through the pages. "but like -- with a k. it fits you," she says.  
  
he calls his mother on the phone that night, and just like that he is kris wu.  
  
\--  
  
kevin thinks that there's something special about the new trainee from los angeles. she's outgoing and open and pretty much everyone likes her.  
  
"what's your name?" he asks.  
  
"amber," she replies, smiling at him.  
  
kevin smiles back.

**Author's Note:**

> haha this was such a throwback fic, it felt like the stuff i'd read in 2015
> 
> please excuse my writing style circa 2016, i was going thru a rut back then ok
> 
> if u read this ily <3


End file.
